Trauma Therapy Austin

Why is it so Important to Develop Internal Communication When You Have DID?

I understand the rationale behind not wanting to get to know or start to communicate with your insiders.  What if you lose control?  What if you are flooded with their memories?  What if you just want them all to go away?  What if they take over and you can’t get back?

Fear of getting to know your insiders is common, and will be addressed in a later post.

For now, I want to talk about the importance of getting to know your parts inside.  You may have been told something different - that it's not important to develop internal communication, that your insiders aren’t welcome in therapy, that you need to heal from them, or that you need to get rid of them altogether.  I do not believe or agree with those opinions – not at all! 

All of your insiders are parts of you.  You all share a body and brain.  All of the parts of you should be welcome in therapy, including all of your insiders.  All the parts of you deserve to be acknowledged and heard, and all the parts of you deserve to heal. 

Internal communication is one of the first, and most important steps toward healing when you have DID. 

Your insiders were there to help you through horrible experiences.  They took over when bad things happened.  They helped you survive and manage when things were overwhelming, unimaginable, and unmanageable.  They allowed you to go away in your mind.  They protected you.

Without internal communication, you will likely continue to lose time.  No one likes to be ignored, or treated as if they don’t exist or matter.  Part of getting to know your insiders opens the door for those parts of you to stop feeling ignored, isolated, and alone.  If they can’t receive that validation and respect from you, then they will likely try finding it elsewhere – and if you aren’t willing to listen, then they’ll probably do it behind your back, causing you to lose time.  However, if you start to develop a dialogue with them, letting them know that you hear, respect, and honor what they have done to protect you, and are willing to listen to what they need – it opens the door for negotiation, compromise, and teamwork.  As you get to know your insiders, the need to keep you in the dark becomes less and less important.

If you try to ignore your insiders, they are more likely to act out (taking over, flooding you with traumatic images or memories, harming the body, suicidal gestures).  It’s really no different than if you had gone to the ends of the earth to help your best friend, and in return, your best friend is now ignoring you.  That would really hurt, right?  Again, your insiders were there to help you through some of the toughest times of your life.  They don’t need or deserve to be hurt more.  They didn’t need or deserve to be hurt in the first place.  No part of you needed or deserved to be hurt!

Internal communication allows you access to some of your greatest assets!  You will get to know insiders who hold great strength.  You might get to know your nurturers who are able to soothe and comfort you.  Still other insiders might be very adept in social situations.  Some parts of you might be more creative about finding solutions to problems. 

Honestly, the fact that you have insiders at all – in and of itself – means that you are strong, resilient, brave, creative, and capable.  The fact that you went through experiences that were horrific enough to develop DID, and survive them, means that you have the strength and resilience to heal from them.  Getting to know those internal parts of you is one of the very first and most important steps toward healing.  And all the parts of you deserve to heal.

Warmly and respectfully,

Kristen

Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) is a DID therapist in Austin, TX. Her specializations include working with dissociation, facilitating trauma recovery, and helping highly sensitive people. For a gentle, respectful approach to healing, contact her for your free 30-minute consultation.

5 Favorite Grounding Techniques: Coping with Dissociation, Flashbacks, Anxiety, and Panic

Purpose

The purpose of grounding is to bring us back into the present moment.  Typically, dissociation and flashbacks result from a trigger that cognitively transports us into the past.  Anxiety and panic generally result from a worry about some future event that may or may not happen.  We cannot change the past, and the act of worrying in and of itself will not change the future.  We CAN, with practice, change how we are experiencing the present moment. 

Practice

It is important to practice grounding techniques as often as you can – before you need them!  Symptoms that manifest as a result of a trigger can feel automatic, and occur quickly.  Your body and mind have practiced these quick responses to triggers repeatedly over a lifetime.   It takes time and practice to make grounding techniques as easily accessible – and automatic.

Ground

1.          Play a current popular song that you enjoy and dance around using large, exaggerated movements.  Play air guitar, sing aloud, and drum along on your couch, coffee table, or the floor.  Feel the exaggerated movements of your body.  Notice how your breath changes.  Focus on the objects you are using as your drum.  Use the current sounds, sites, and textures to re-orient yourself back to the present moment.

2.          Take holding ice cubes to the next level and fling them against the shower wall.  Chew one of the ice cubes while you throw the others into the shower.  Hear them shatter.  Notice how they look as they explode against the tile.  When you have finished throwing the ice, sit barefoot on the edge of the tub and stir your feet around in the remaining ice.

3.          Speak or sing your favorite silly song in front of a fan, noticing how it distorts your voice.  Move closer (while maintaining a safe distance) and further away, paying attention to how your voice changes.  Feel the breeze on your face.  Now, get a cool, damp washcloth and wet your face, noticing how the blowing air changes the sensations on your face and throughout your body.

4.          Walk barefoot to your mailbox.  Notice the feel of the pavement or grass under your feet.  Pay attention to how hot or cold it is outside.  Look to the sky.  Is it sunny, cloudy, foggy, or drizzling?  When you get to the mailbox, pull each envelope out one at a time and read the postmarked date stamp aloud.

5.          Spray your favorite cologne or perfume, diffuse an essential oil, or burn a scented candle or incense.  Notice the fragrance.  Come up with five adjectives to describe the aroma.  Notice any changes in your thoughts or the feelings in your body, and describe them aloud. 

If you practice a grounding technique, and it doesn’t seem to be working for you, move to the next one.  Cycle through them as many times, and as often as needed.  The more you practice grounding from your techniques tool box, the more likely it is that you will remember to engage in grounding the next time you need to.

If you continue to struggle, reach out for help!  The more techniques you can add to your coping tool belt, the easier it becomes to manage times at which you find yourself somewhere other than the present moment.  What techniques have worked best for you?

Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), specializes in trauma recovery, midlife transitions, caregivers' issues, women’s emotional health, and LGBTQ+ concerns. Contact her for a free 30-minute consultation.