I understand the rationale behind not wanting to get to know or start to communicate with your insiders. What if you lose control? What if you are flooded with their memories? What if you just want them all to go away? What if they take over and you can’t get back?
Fear of getting to know your insiders is common, and will be addressed in a later post.
For now, I want to talk about the importance of getting to know your parts inside. You may have been told something different - that it's not important to develop internal communication, that your insiders aren’t welcome in therapy, that you need to heal from them, or that you need to get rid of them altogether. I do not believe or agree with those opinions – not at all!
All of your insiders are parts of you. You all share a body and brain. All of the parts of you should be welcome in therapy, including all of your insiders. All the parts of you deserve to be acknowledged and heard, and all the parts of you deserve to heal.
Internal communication is one of the first, and most important steps toward healing when you have DID.
Your insiders were there to help you through horrible experiences. They took over when bad things happened. They helped you survive and manage when things were overwhelming, unimaginable, and unmanageable. They allowed you to go away in your mind. They protected you.
Without internal communication, you will likely continue to lose time. No one likes to be ignored, or treated as if they don’t exist or matter. Part of getting to know your insiders opens the door for those parts of you to stop feeling ignored, isolated, and alone. If they can’t receive that validation and respect from you, then they will likely try finding it elsewhere – and if you aren’t willing to listen, then they’ll probably do it behind your back, causing you to lose time. However, if you start to develop a dialogue with them, letting them know that you hear, respect, and honor what they have done to protect you, and are willing to listen to what they need – it opens the door for negotiation, compromise, and teamwork. As you get to know your insiders, the need to keep you in the dark becomes less and less important.
If you try to ignore your insiders, they are more likely to act out (taking over, flooding you with traumatic images or memories, harming the body, suicidal gestures). It’s really no different than if you had gone to the ends of the earth to help your best friend, and in return, your best friend is now ignoring you. That would really hurt, right? Again, your insiders were there to help you through some of the toughest times of your life. They don’t need or deserve to be hurt more. They didn’t need or deserve to be hurt in the first place. No part of you needed or deserved to be hurt!
Internal communication allows you access to some of your greatest assets! You will get to know insiders who hold great strength. You might get to know your nurturers who are able to soothe and comfort you. Still other insiders might be very adept in social situations. Some parts of you might be more creative about finding solutions to problems.
Honestly, the fact that you have insiders at all – in and of itself – means that you are strong, resilient, brave, creative, and capable. The fact that you went through experiences that were horrific enough to develop DID, and survive them, means that you have the strength and resilience to heal from them. Getting to know those internal parts of you is one of the very first and most important steps toward healing. And all the parts of you deserve to heal.
Warmly and respectfully,
Kristen
Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) is a DID therapist in Austin, TX. Her specializations include working with dissociation, facilitating trauma recovery, and helping highly sensitive people. For a gentle, respectful approach to healing, contact her for your free 30-minute consultation.