Trauma & Dissociation

Out of Darkness: Toward Trauma Recovery

HOPE

My year started off full of anticipation, promise, and hope.  Lots of positive progressions that had seemed so far off for so long were now directly in front of me, staring me in the face.  I had worked hard, slept little, and sacrificed much – all for this moment.  I felt ecstatic.  I felt like I could breathe comfortably again for the first time in years.  I was exactly where I had wanted to be.                

THE FALL

Then life, as it seems to do quite often, threw me yet another curveball.  It actually threw me several of them all at once.  I didn’t have enough hands to catch all those curveballs!  My excitement, energy, and hope waned as though I’d been knocked into a well and Lassie was nowhere to be found.  I have to admit, I sat in the well for some time.  It seemed, at that moment, that I had two choices.  Make a little spot for myself in the well and hide out, or start engineering a makeshift ladder to crawl out.

CHOICES

Lots of people seem to think my choice should have been obvious.  Some of you might understand that, in that moment it wasn’t.  Really, if I hid out for a while, maybe more curveballs would just fly by overhead.  My hands were full, after all, and balls were already dropping all around me.  I was pretty exhausted, too, and just the thought of the energy it would take to build anything seemed pretty overwhelming.  So I did just that.  I made myself a little nesting place, got as comfortable as one can in a well, and hid out for a little while.

DISCOMFORT 

Wells, as you might guess, do not offer the most pleasant living environment.  It was dark, damp, and didn’t smell too great.  I felt pretty uncomfortable, but it really took some time to decide that the uncomfortable comfort of what had become familiar was not how I wanted to spend the rest of my days.  Somehow, someway, I was going to have to figure out how to start that makeshift ladder if I wanted any more than my dark, lonely, and miserable well existence.

TRAUMA

For people in general, but especially those who have had to live through trauma, life can seem like a series of events that push us into a well – into a dark, lonely, frightening, and overwhelming place.  The fall really hurts!  It’s scary and devastating.  It’s not something you get used to – or something that doesn’t faze you anymore.  It seems impossible to plan, build, and climb a ladder – just to risk more curveballs, and more pain.

Sometimes it seems like the work required to heal from trauma will never end.  Sometimes it feels overwhelming and scary.  Sometimes it seems easier to hide out for a little bit.  But building a ladder is not impossible.  Healing from trauma is not impossible.  Hope for something different is terrifying, but the options that life above the well has to offer can be so worth the risk.

A WAY OUT

So if you are sitting in your well, in that little dark spot you’ve crafted to hide out in, and you’re pretty uncomfortable…

If you’re starting to wonder if maybe you can think about leaving the discomfort of what you’ve gotten used to…

If a part of you wants to move toward creating a way out…

The first step is to decide you want something different.  You want to see if it might be more comfortable above ground.  If you think that, just maybe, you want more than can be found in your well, then take a little inventory.  What materials do you have available?  What will work as a makeshift ladder, and what can be tossed aside?  What coping skills have you already acquired to help you manage the task? Which of those skills will work for you now, or need a little tweaking, or need to be tossed aside altogether?

 

YOU DON'T HAVE TO FACE IT ALONE

Today, you have a bonus piece of ladder material, just there for the taking.  Today, I extend my metaphoric hand out to you – to help you weigh the pros and cons of moving out of the well.  To help you take inventory of what materials you have, and what materials you might need to create.  To help you start building for something different – something outside of the well.

Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor, specializes in dissociation, trauma recovery, midlife transitions, caregivers' issues, women’s emotional health, and LGBTQ+ concerns. Contact her for a free 30-minute consultation.

 

4 Tips to Make Today Better than Yesterday when you have Dissociative Identity Disorder

This time of year can be a more difficult time than usual for a lot of people with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).  It’s the time of year when self-care, self-compassion, and coping efforts need to kick into high gear. 

Fall is full of holidays that can be difficult for various reasons, depending on your personal history.  People may not have treated you well in the past.  They may not have treated you with respect and kindness, both of which you deserved then, and you deserve now!  Let me assure you – that was on them.  It was nothing you did, and it had nothing to do with who you were/are.  It was not your fault!

There was nothing you did, or could have done to deserve to be treated badly, cruelly, or abhorrently.  Today, though, there are things you can do to ensure you are treated with gentleness and respect –

1 - Start with treating yourself and all of your insiders with compassion, admiration, and tenderness.

You, and all of your insiders played an important role to get you as safely as possible to where you are today.  Please remember to say, “Thank you,” even if you didn’t or don’t always understand how each insider is trying to help.  Remember, too, to give yourself appreciation and support – don’t forget to include yourself in the list of folks you are thankful for!

2 - Ground yourself in the present.

Some insiders may have not yet found their way to the present.  They may feel stuck in a dark and frightening past.  Reassure everyone that it is 2016, and that things are very different now, and that you are safe!  Practice grounding exercises you have learned, and get as many insiders on board as possible.  If no grounding techniques come to mind, visit my prior post on favorite grounding techniques to center yourself into the here and now.

3- Schedule in some fun, and spend time doing something you truly enjoy.

Engage in activities that are safe and healthy, or at least not harmful.  Invite everyone to enjoy the experience with you!  Make new, safer, kinder, and better memories.  You, and everyone inside, has worked hard – and you all have earned some joy this season! 

4 - If you find yourself struggling beyond what your learned coping strategies can carry you through, please reach out for help! 

There are people who genuinely care about your safety, wellbeing, and happiness.  There are people who are willing and wanting to help you find your peace, and a way to appreciate and care for all of yourselves.

Be SAFE!  Be WELL this season – and take good care of you and yours!

Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), is passionate about helping those who have experienced trauma and abuse, and struggle with dissociation including Dissociative Identity Disorder.  Her additional specializations include supporting the highly sensitive person navigate through their unique circumstances, those struggling with caregiver stress and burnout, and people grappling with social and generalized anxiety.  She offers an affirming environment for members of the Trans and LGBQ+ communities. Contact her for your free 30-minute consultation.

5 Favorite Grounding Techniques: Coping with Dissociation, Flashbacks, Anxiety, and Panic

Purpose

The purpose of grounding is to bring us back into the present moment.  Typically, dissociation and flashbacks result from a trigger that cognitively transports us into the past.  Anxiety and panic generally result from a worry about some future event that may or may not happen.  We cannot change the past, and the act of worrying in and of itself will not change the future.  We CAN, with practice, change how we are experiencing the present moment. 

Practice

It is important to practice grounding techniques as often as you can – before you need them!  Symptoms that manifest as a result of a trigger can feel automatic, and occur quickly.  Your body and mind have practiced these quick responses to triggers repeatedly over a lifetime.   It takes time and practice to make grounding techniques as easily accessible – and automatic.

Ground

1.          Play a current popular song that you enjoy and dance around using large, exaggerated movements.  Play air guitar, sing aloud, and drum along on your couch, coffee table, or the floor.  Feel the exaggerated movements of your body.  Notice how your breath changes.  Focus on the objects you are using as your drum.  Use the current sounds, sites, and textures to re-orient yourself back to the present moment.

2.          Take holding ice cubes to the next level and fling them against the shower wall.  Chew one of the ice cubes while you throw the others into the shower.  Hear them shatter.  Notice how they look as they explode against the tile.  When you have finished throwing the ice, sit barefoot on the edge of the tub and stir your feet around in the remaining ice.

3.          Speak or sing your favorite silly song in front of a fan, noticing how it distorts your voice.  Move closer (while maintaining a safe distance) and further away, paying attention to how your voice changes.  Feel the breeze on your face.  Now, get a cool, damp washcloth and wet your face, noticing how the blowing air changes the sensations on your face and throughout your body.

4.          Walk barefoot to your mailbox.  Notice the feel of the pavement or grass under your feet.  Pay attention to how hot or cold it is outside.  Look to the sky.  Is it sunny, cloudy, foggy, or drizzling?  When you get to the mailbox, pull each envelope out one at a time and read the postmarked date stamp aloud.

5.          Spray your favorite cologne or perfume, diffuse an essential oil, or burn a scented candle or incense.  Notice the fragrance.  Come up with five adjectives to describe the aroma.  Notice any changes in your thoughts or the feelings in your body, and describe them aloud. 

If you practice a grounding technique, and it doesn’t seem to be working for you, move to the next one.  Cycle through them as many times, and as often as needed.  The more you practice grounding from your techniques tool box, the more likely it is that you will remember to engage in grounding the next time you need to.

If you continue to struggle, reach out for help!  The more techniques you can add to your coping tool belt, the easier it becomes to manage times at which you find yourself somewhere other than the present moment.  What techniques have worked best for you?

Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), specializes in trauma recovery, midlife transitions, caregivers' issues, women’s emotional health, and LGBTQ+ concerns. Contact her for a free 30-minute consultation.