Dissociative Identity Disorder

Why is it so Important to Develop Internal Communication When You Have DID?

I understand the rationale behind not wanting to get to know or start to communicate with your insiders.  What if you lose control?  What if you are flooded with their memories?  What if you just want them all to go away?  What if they take over and you can’t get back?

Fear of getting to know your insiders is common, and will be addressed in a later post.

For now, I want to talk about the importance of getting to know your parts inside.  You may have been told something different - that it's not important to develop internal communication, that your insiders aren’t welcome in therapy, that you need to heal from them, or that you need to get rid of them altogether.  I do not believe or agree with those opinions – not at all! 

All of your insiders are parts of you.  You all share a body and brain.  All of the parts of you should be welcome in therapy, including all of your insiders.  All the parts of you deserve to be acknowledged and heard, and all the parts of you deserve to heal. 

Internal communication is one of the first, and most important steps toward healing when you have DID. 

Your insiders were there to help you through horrible experiences.  They took over when bad things happened.  They helped you survive and manage when things were overwhelming, unimaginable, and unmanageable.  They allowed you to go away in your mind.  They protected you.

Without internal communication, you will likely continue to lose time.  No one likes to be ignored, or treated as if they don’t exist or matter.  Part of getting to know your insiders opens the door for those parts of you to stop feeling ignored, isolated, and alone.  If they can’t receive that validation and respect from you, then they will likely try finding it elsewhere – and if you aren’t willing to listen, then they’ll probably do it behind your back, causing you to lose time.  However, if you start to develop a dialogue with them, letting them know that you hear, respect, and honor what they have done to protect you, and are willing to listen to what they need – it opens the door for negotiation, compromise, and teamwork.  As you get to know your insiders, the need to keep you in the dark becomes less and less important.

If you try to ignore your insiders, they are more likely to act out (taking over, flooding you with traumatic images or memories, harming the body, suicidal gestures).  It’s really no different than if you had gone to the ends of the earth to help your best friend, and in return, your best friend is now ignoring you.  That would really hurt, right?  Again, your insiders were there to help you through some of the toughest times of your life.  They don’t need or deserve to be hurt more.  They didn’t need or deserve to be hurt in the first place.  No part of you needed or deserved to be hurt!

Internal communication allows you access to some of your greatest assets!  You will get to know insiders who hold great strength.  You might get to know your nurturers who are able to soothe and comfort you.  Still other insiders might be very adept in social situations.  Some parts of you might be more creative about finding solutions to problems. 

Honestly, the fact that you have insiders at all – in and of itself – means that you are strong, resilient, brave, creative, and capable.  The fact that you went through experiences that were horrific enough to develop DID, and survive them, means that you have the strength and resilience to heal from them.  Getting to know those internal parts of you is one of the very first and most important steps toward healing.  And all the parts of you deserve to heal.

Warmly and respectfully,

Kristen

Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) is a DID therapist in Austin, TX. Her specializations include working with dissociation, facilitating trauma recovery, and helping highly sensitive people. For a gentle, respectful approach to healing, contact her for your free 30-minute consultation.

4 Tips to Make Today Better than Yesterday when you have Dissociative Identity Disorder

This time of year can be a more difficult time than usual for a lot of people with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).  It’s the time of year when self-care, self-compassion, and coping efforts need to kick into high gear. 

Fall is full of holidays that can be difficult for various reasons, depending on your personal history.  People may not have treated you well in the past.  They may not have treated you with respect and kindness, both of which you deserved then, and you deserve now!  Let me assure you – that was on them.  It was nothing you did, and it had nothing to do with who you were/are.  It was not your fault!

There was nothing you did, or could have done to deserve to be treated badly, cruelly, or abhorrently.  Today, though, there are things you can do to ensure you are treated with gentleness and respect –

1 - Start with treating yourself and all of your insiders with compassion, admiration, and tenderness.

You, and all of your insiders played an important role to get you as safely as possible to where you are today.  Please remember to say, “Thank you,” even if you didn’t or don’t always understand how each insider is trying to help.  Remember, too, to give yourself appreciation and support – don’t forget to include yourself in the list of folks you are thankful for!

2 - Ground yourself in the present.

Some insiders may have not yet found their way to the present.  They may feel stuck in a dark and frightening past.  Reassure everyone that it is 2016, and that things are very different now, and that you are safe!  Practice grounding exercises you have learned, and get as many insiders on board as possible.  If no grounding techniques come to mind, visit my prior post on favorite grounding techniques to center yourself into the here and now.

3- Schedule in some fun, and spend time doing something you truly enjoy.

Engage in activities that are safe and healthy, or at least not harmful.  Invite everyone to enjoy the experience with you!  Make new, safer, kinder, and better memories.  You, and everyone inside, has worked hard – and you all have earned some joy this season! 

4 - If you find yourself struggling beyond what your learned coping strategies can carry you through, please reach out for help! 

There are people who genuinely care about your safety, wellbeing, and happiness.  There are people who are willing and wanting to help you find your peace, and a way to appreciate and care for all of yourselves.

Be SAFE!  Be WELL this season – and take good care of you and yours!

Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), is passionate about helping those who have experienced trauma and abuse, and struggle with dissociation including Dissociative Identity Disorder.  Her additional specializations include supporting the highly sensitive person navigate through their unique circumstances, those struggling with caregiver stress and burnout, and people grappling with social and generalized anxiety.  She offers an affirming environment for members of the Trans and LGBQ+ communities. Contact her for your free 30-minute consultation.