Dissociation

Why is it so Important to Develop Internal Communication When You Have DID?

I understand the rationale behind not wanting to get to know or start to communicate with your insiders.  What if you lose control?  What if you are flooded with their memories?  What if you just want them all to go away?  What if they take over and you can’t get back?

Fear of getting to know your insiders is common, and will be addressed in a later post.

For now, I want to talk about the importance of getting to know your parts inside.  You may have been told something different - that it's not important to develop internal communication, that your insiders aren’t welcome in therapy, that you need to heal from them, or that you need to get rid of them altogether.  I do not believe or agree with those opinions – not at all! 

All of your insiders are parts of you.  You all share a body and brain.  All of the parts of you should be welcome in therapy, including all of your insiders.  All the parts of you deserve to be acknowledged and heard, and all the parts of you deserve to heal. 

Internal communication is one of the first, and most important steps toward healing when you have DID. 

Your insiders were there to help you through horrible experiences.  They took over when bad things happened.  They helped you survive and manage when things were overwhelming, unimaginable, and unmanageable.  They allowed you to go away in your mind.  They protected you.

Without internal communication, you will likely continue to lose time.  No one likes to be ignored, or treated as if they don’t exist or matter.  Part of getting to know your insiders opens the door for those parts of you to stop feeling ignored, isolated, and alone.  If they can’t receive that validation and respect from you, then they will likely try finding it elsewhere – and if you aren’t willing to listen, then they’ll probably do it behind your back, causing you to lose time.  However, if you start to develop a dialogue with them, letting them know that you hear, respect, and honor what they have done to protect you, and are willing to listen to what they need – it opens the door for negotiation, compromise, and teamwork.  As you get to know your insiders, the need to keep you in the dark becomes less and less important.

If you try to ignore your insiders, they are more likely to act out (taking over, flooding you with traumatic images or memories, harming the body, suicidal gestures).  It’s really no different than if you had gone to the ends of the earth to help your best friend, and in return, your best friend is now ignoring you.  That would really hurt, right?  Again, your insiders were there to help you through some of the toughest times of your life.  They don’t need or deserve to be hurt more.  They didn’t need or deserve to be hurt in the first place.  No part of you needed or deserved to be hurt!

Internal communication allows you access to some of your greatest assets!  You will get to know insiders who hold great strength.  You might get to know your nurturers who are able to soothe and comfort you.  Still other insiders might be very adept in social situations.  Some parts of you might be more creative about finding solutions to problems. 

Honestly, the fact that you have insiders at all – in and of itself – means that you are strong, resilient, brave, creative, and capable.  The fact that you went through experiences that were horrific enough to develop DID, and survive them, means that you have the strength and resilience to heal from them.  Getting to know those internal parts of you is one of the very first and most important steps toward healing.  And all the parts of you deserve to heal.

Warmly and respectfully,

Kristen

Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) is a DID therapist in Austin, TX. Her specializations include working with dissociation, facilitating trauma recovery, and helping highly sensitive people. For a gentle, respectful approach to healing, contact her for your free 30-minute consultation.

Dissociation: Understanding Depersonalization/Derealization

What are Depersonalization and Derealization?

Depersonalization (DP) is a dissociative experience in which you feel detached or disconnected from your own body, thoughts, or feelings.  Derealization (DR) is the experience of feeling like people or things around you aren’t real.  With DP and DR, you understand that your experiences are skewed, off, or not quite right.  Symptoms of DP and DR can last from minutes to months, can become more or less intense, and can be really hard to describe especially to folks who have never had similar experiences. 

Symptoms of Depersonalization:

  • Feeling disconnected from your own body, emotions, thoughts, and/or experiences

  • Feeling like a stranger to yourself

  • Feeling like you are observing yourself from outside of your body

  • Feeling like you’re not connected to the person looking back at you in the mirror

  • Feeling hollow or empty

  • Feeling like there is a block between you and reality

  • Feeling robotic, or like you are on auto-pilot

  • Feeling intense anxiety, panic, or depression, or

  • Feeling numb

  • Feeling like you are going crazy

  • Experiencing visual, auditory, or other perceptual distortions

Symptoms of Derealization:

  • Feeling like you are living in a dream or a movie

  • Feeling as though things and people around you aren’t real, robotic, or plastic

  • Experiencing the outside world as fuzzy, foggy, or detached

  • Feeling like there is a block between you and reality

  • Feeling intense anxiety, panic, or depression, or

  • Feeling numb

  • Feeling like you are going crazy

  • Experiencing visual, auditory, or other perceptual distortions

How does DP/DR Develop?

DP/DR are both dissociative experiences meant to protect you from some feeling or experience that, if fully felt, would seem overwhelming.  Dissociation in general is a defense mechanism, and the brain’s way of attempting to make unbearable experiences feel less overpowering.  It can result from intense feelings of anxiety or panic, in the face of traumatic experience, or from certain types of drug use or withdrawal.  DP/DR is also listed as a potential side effect for certain prescription medications. 

Often, DP/DR symptoms can be experienced temporarily, especially in the case of a single traumatic event, drug use, withdrawal, or as a side effect of prescription medication.  Many people experience depersonalization, derealization, or both at one time or another.  However, when the symptoms become chronic, recurrent, or disrupt your ability to function in day-to-day life, it’s time to seek help!

How Counseling and EMDR can Help:

Counseling can help you to understand more about the causes of depersonalization and derealization, and why symptoms occur, specific to your life experiences.  With understanding of the origins, then various coping and grounding techniques and resources can be learned and utilized to help you feel more connected to yourself and the world around you. These skills can help to manage the overwhelming experiences that are causing the dissociation in the first place. 

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a specific psychotherapy approach that can help you to reprocess and resolve traumatic experiences that may be causing symptoms of DP and DR.  Whether your first experience of DP/DR was the traumatic experience, or the DP/DR resulted from some other trauma, EMDR can help to greatly reduce the associated distress, and facilitate healing of the psychological trauma on a physiological level, enabling lasting change.

To learn more about EMDR, you can visit the EMDR International Association, or schedule your free 30-minute consultation to discuss how EMDR can help you with your unique concerns.

 

Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor in South Austin, specializes in trauma recovery, working with highly sensitive people, and those struggling with dissociation.  For a gentle, respectful approach to healing, contact her for your free 15-minute consultation.