High Sensitivity

Coping with High Sensitivity – Holiday Edition

How are all of you fellow Highly Sensitive People coping with the holidays this year?   

I started out this holiday season struggling a bit, but took a few extra steps and adjusted a few goals and expectations of myself.  The results have been refreshing, and I’m feeling much calmer and ready for the holiday.  Yes, I am a highly sensitive person (HSP) myself, in case you wondered whether or not I could truly relate. 

Here are some tips that have helped me along the way, and that I hope will be helpful for you, as well: 

1.       Shop early, or shop online

I learned this years ago, as shopping crowds can easily overwhelm me.  I don’t go anywhere near a retail store from Black Friday to the end of the year.  If I haven’t planned ahead for the year, and haven’t finished up my holiday shopping before November, then I resort to online gift shopping.  Truly, online shopping has become my favorite way to shop in general.  Solitude, a computer, and a dog at my feet – it sure beats fighting the crowds, and helps me avoid feeling agitated from sensory overload. 

2.       Reduce your outside commitments

Say, “No, thank you!”  It’s perfectly acceptable, and healthy to set boundaries to meet your own needs.  Limit your social commitments to those you are truly comfortable with, perhaps small gatherings instead of large parties and crowded venues.  If you have to attend a boisterous holiday party, you can still set limits and boundaries.  For example, if you know that you can manage two hours, then plan to arrive a little late or leave a bit early.   

3.       For every one outside commitment, schedule one (or two) internal commitments

What do I mean by internal commitment?  This is a commitment to yourself – to nourish yourself in whatever way works best for you.  For me, this includes a quiet evening alone with a good book, or watching a movie at home with a friend.  What works best for you, and helps you recharge your batteries?  Schedule a time to attend to what nurtures you the most. 

4.       If you can, schedule travel outside of the holiday rush

I realize for some folks, this just isn’t an option, but if you CAN plan a family visit in January instead of December, it helps – especially if you have to hit an airport to get there.  If you have to travel for whatever reason, be sure to take along things that calm you in hectic and stressful environments – noise-reducing headphones, stress-relieving essential oils, or books that you can get lost in are all examples of what are helpful for me. 

5.       Communicate your needs to those close to you

Let your partner, close friends, or family members know what your limits are.  Try to develop a game plan with them so that they can help you stick to your boundaries when you have to be out and among the crowds.  You probably already know which loved ones are best at supporting your needs, so reach out to them and see if they can act as a holiday ally when you have to be in stressful situations. 

6.       Manage expectations

If you’re visiting family this season, and know that some people don’t always get along so well, it helps a bit to keep in mind that this year will probably be no different.  If you go with the expectation that everyone will get along smashingly, it creates additional stress and anxiety on you.  Instead of expecting things to be perfect, instead plan small activities or quick escapes for when you need to recharge.  Taking a brisk walk away from others is a good planned activity, as well as volunteering to do some work in the kitchen or outside away from bickering relatives.   

7.       Remember, it’s your holiday, too

While you may be more (or not so) concerned about those close to you, and whether they are having an enjoyable holiday experience – don’t forget that this is your holiday, too!  Compromise is good, but staying fully focused on whether or not those around you are having a good experience can easily ensure that your own holiday will be a less than satisfying.  If you are someone who really wants your loved ones to have a great time, it can also help to remember that a calmer, cheerier you will likely be more enjoyable to be around than the overwhelmed and agitated version of yourself.   

Whatever you decide to do, or not do - I wish you a wonderful holiday full of peace, comfort, wellness, and warmth.  ~Kristen

Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor Intern at Counseling South Austin under the supervision of Ann Stoneson, LPC-S, specializes in working with highly sensitive people on a variety of issues including social anxiety, seasonal depression, and coping with feeling overwhelmed. She welcomes diversity, and practices holistic and affirming counseling for members of the LGBTQ community. Contact her for a free thirty-minute consultation.

 

Loving the Highly Sensitive Person: 7 Tips for Family, Friends, and Partners

What is a Highly Sensitive Person?

A highly sensitive person is described as someone who is hypersensitive to external stimuli.  They generally think and feel more deeply, and may be more emotionally reactive. 

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be a highly sensitive person?

Elena Herdieckerhoff provides a wonderful explanation and insight into being highly sensitive in the following presentation.  This video is a great resource for helping you understand your highly sensitive loved ones.

What can you do to enhance your relationship with your highly sensitive loved one?

1.       Don’t take it personally when they need more alone time.

Highly sensitive people need more time and space to recharge their batteries.  Remember, it’s not that they don’t want to spend time with you – they just need a little more quiet solitude to manage the stimuli of day-to-day life.

2.       Avoid telling them that they are, “too sensitive,” or that they need to toughen up.  Instead, try validating their emotions.

Highly sensitive people are generally aware that they feel more deeply and intensely than others.  Sensitivity is not a weakness!  Highly sensitive people are generally very strong individuals.  Imagine for a moment if lights appeared brighter, noises seemed louder, and you could tangibly feel the emotions of others you encountered throughout the day.  It takes a great deal of strength to manage these more intense internal and external experiences.  The more you can validate their emotional expression, the more they will appreciate your understanding and support.

3.       Watch the volume and content. 

Highly sensitive people are often sensitive to loud noises, and can feel overwhelmed by them.  You might think it’s really awesome to have an at-home movie theatre experience, but remember to check in with your highly sensitive loved one to see if the experience is equally amazing for them.  Many highly sensitive people also have trouble watching violent and intense films.  Be sensitive to their individual sensitivities, and respect their desire to steer clear of certain types of over-stimulating movies and programs.

4.       Engage in meaningful conversations.

Highly sensitive people value deep and meaningful connections.  They often get bored by, or impatient with superficial chats.  If you are able to open yourself up more fully, your highly sensitive person will value you and your relationship much more profoundly.

5.       Be patient.

 It often takes the highly sensitive person a little longer to make decisions.  They generally need more time to ponder the possible outcomes due to their vivid and profound thought life.

6.       Be mindful of your tone and expression.

Highly sensitive people are often highly intuitive, as well.  Don’t be surprised when they take notice of a subtle change in your expression, or small variation in your tone of voice.  One of the perks of being highly sensitive is easily feeling in tune with those around them.

7.       Don’t assume they will ask for what they want.

Highly sensitive people often love tending to others, and in their mind, your wants and needs will often win out over their own.  They can be people-pleasers, and try very hard to avoid conflict.  For this reason, they might not always express their own needs and desires.  Try checking in with your highly sensitive loved one occasionally, and allow them unbiased space to ask for what they want.  

Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor Intern at Counseling South Austin under the supervision of Ann Stoneson, LPC-S, specializes in supporting the highly sensitive person navigate through their unique life experiences.  Her additional areas of specialization include trauma recovery, life transitions, and caregivers' issues.  She offers an affirming environment for members of the Trans and LBGQ communities. Contact her for your free thirty-minute in-person consultation.

The Highly Sensitive Person’s Thanksgiving – 5 Tips for Self-Care

Another Thanksgiving is upon us.  As we express our gratitude for all of the good in our lives, or we struggle to find thanks in our current circumstances, let’s not forget about the importance of self-care!  There are many people who struggle around the holidays, and find this time of year exceedingly difficult. 

STRESS

Gatherings can be stressful, even around those you feel secure with – whether you are having to travel to spend time with loved ones, or having more than usual guests at your own home, the added stimuli can takes its toll on us emotionally and physically.  Some of you may be unable to travel or meet with loved ones, which creates a stress of its own.  Still others are plagued by memories of not-so-great holiday experiences in the past. 

Whatever your situation or circumstance, as a highly sensitive person, we can become overstimulated by a multitude of internal and external busy-ness.  Remember, sensitive people need more time and space to recharge their batteries! 

TIPS

Here are some holiday self-care tips for you, the highly sensitive person:

1.       Plan to give yourself a break.  Be sure to plan in advance to find a quiet space in which you can immerse yourself in solitude for a few moments.  Even if your loved ones aren’t generally loud or exuberant, it can still be helpful to get away for a few moments to re-center and ground yourself.

2.       Temper your expectations.  You may have painted a picture in your mind of the perfect holiday, but things rarely go exactly as planned.  In order to avoid disappointment or an over-taxing of your emotions or nervous system, try your best to be realistic in your expectations. It may help to keep in mind that others might be feeling added holiday stress, too.

3.       Reach out to trusted friends or family.  Have a plan of action with a couple of your closest, most trusted loved ones, and coordinate how you can support one another if things start to feel too overwhelming.  Remember that it is perfectly okay, even healthy, to reach out and ask for help.

4.       Practice saying “no, thank you.”  Get comfortable with the words by repeating them over and over again, until it rolls off your tongue without hesitation.  If someone asks of you more than you are willing to give, or if someone asks you to do something you don’t feel up for, let the “no, thank you” come out without hesitation or guilt.  It is not rude or selfish to care for yourself and your needs.

5.       Find extra ways to be good to yourself.  Whatever you find most soothing – long walks, hot baths, funny movies – allow yourself some added time to indulge in activities that help you stay grounded, mentally healthy, and at peace.  Remember that the holidays are here for you, too!  Whatever your way of celebrating, or not, take extra gentle, good care of yourself.

 

Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor Intern at Counseling South Austin under the supervision of Ann Stoneson, LPC-S, specializes in supporting the highly sensitive person.  Her other specializations include social anxiety, trauma recovery, and dissociation.  She offers a trans and LGBQ affirming environment. Contact her for your free thirty-minute consultation.