How are all of you fellow Highly Sensitive People coping with the holidays this year?
I started out this holiday season struggling a bit, but took a few extra steps and adjusted a few goals and expectations of myself. The results have been refreshing, and I’m feeling much calmer and ready for the holiday. Yes, I am a highly sensitive person (HSP) myself, in case you wondered whether or not I could truly relate.
Here are some tips that have helped me along the way, and that I hope will be helpful for you, as well:
1. Shop early, or shop online
I learned this years ago, as shopping crowds can easily overwhelm me. I don’t go anywhere near a retail store from Black Friday to the end of the year. If I haven’t planned ahead for the year, and haven’t finished up my holiday shopping before November, then I resort to online gift shopping. Truly, online shopping has become my favorite way to shop in general. Solitude, a computer, and a dog at my feet – it sure beats fighting the crowds, and helps me avoid feeling agitated from sensory overload.
2. Reduce your outside commitments
Say, “No, thank you!” It’s perfectly acceptable, and healthy to set boundaries to meet your own needs. Limit your social commitments to those you are truly comfortable with, perhaps small gatherings instead of large parties and crowded venues. If you have to attend a boisterous holiday party, you can still set limits and boundaries. For example, if you know that you can manage two hours, then plan to arrive a little late or leave a bit early.
3. For every one outside commitment, schedule one (or two) internal commitments
What do I mean by internal commitment? This is a commitment to yourself – to nourish yourself in whatever way works best for you. For me, this includes a quiet evening alone with a good book, or watching a movie at home with a friend. What works best for you, and helps you recharge your batteries? Schedule a time to attend to what nurtures you the most.
4. If you can, schedule travel outside of the holiday rush
I realize for some folks, this just isn’t an option, but if you CAN plan a family visit in January instead of December, it helps – especially if you have to hit an airport to get there. If you have to travel for whatever reason, be sure to take along things that calm you in hectic and stressful environments – noise-reducing headphones, stress-relieving essential oils, or books that you can get lost in are all examples of what are helpful for me.
5. Communicate your needs to those close to you
Let your partner, close friends, or family members know what your limits are. Try to develop a game plan with them so that they can help you stick to your boundaries when you have to be out and among the crowds. You probably already know which loved ones are best at supporting your needs, so reach out to them and see if they can act as a holiday ally when you have to be in stressful situations.
6. Manage expectations
If you’re visiting family this season, and know that some people don’t always get along so well, it helps a bit to keep in mind that this year will probably be no different. If you go with the expectation that everyone will get along smashingly, it creates additional stress and anxiety on you. Instead of expecting things to be perfect, instead plan small activities or quick escapes for when you need to recharge. Taking a brisk walk away from others is a good planned activity, as well as volunteering to do some work in the kitchen or outside away from bickering relatives.
7. Remember, it’s your holiday, too
While you may be more (or not so) concerned about those close to you, and whether they are having an enjoyable holiday experience – don’t forget that this is your holiday, too! Compromise is good, but staying fully focused on whether or not those around you are having a good experience can easily ensure that your own holiday will be a less than satisfying. If you are someone who really wants your loved ones to have a great time, it can also help to remember that a calmer, cheerier you will likely be more enjoyable to be around than the overwhelmed and agitated version of yourself.
Whatever you decide to do, or not do - I wish you a wonderful holiday full of peace, comfort, wellness, and warmth. ~Kristen
Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor Intern at Counseling South Austin under the supervision of Ann Stoneson, LPC-S, specializes in working with highly sensitive people on a variety of issues including social anxiety, seasonal depression, and coping with feeling overwhelmed. She welcomes diversity, and practices holistic and affirming counseling for members of the LGBTQ community. Contact her for a free thirty-minute consultation.