Unknowns
Last year, my youngest dog-child was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. Statistics told us that in 96% of cases, we would have another six months, or at most a year with our fur-baby. Thanks to the talented hands of our surgeon-vet, the tumors were removed and we have enjoyed 15 months of tumor-free love from our very affectionate, 80-pound lap dog. It has been 15 months of check-ups and blood tests, with the acute awareness just below my daily conscious thoughts that any day could see the return of cancer, or best case, she could live out her days with no re-emergence.
This particular unknown has been a manageable part of my existence. I enjoy my moments with her. I acknowledge the occasional thought that our time may be more limited than we originally hoped, and re-focus my attention to the now. I also recognize the intermittent twangs of fear, and again, re-center myself to the present moment. This has worked well for me in these past months when her passing was not so nearly immanent.
Heartbreak
Last week, we noticed a couple of lumps, took her in, and biopsies confirmed the cancer’s return. Even though this wasn’t a surprise, the sadness hit me like a sledgehammer in the chest. As a highly sensitive person, I knew the news meant frequent bouts of crying - but how in the world was I going to control the timing of my tears?
Distraction is a great short-term skill, but there’s only so much time our hearts and minds will be ignored. The longer we expend the incredible energy it takes to push away feelings and thoughts – the more explosively our emotions will eventually erupt. The eruption occurs in its own time, regardless of whether or not we are in a comfortable setting for it.
Grieving
Everyone has their own unique way of grieving. As highly sensitive people, though, we may need a little more time – alone or with only those who are the very closest to us. We may need a little more space to allow ourselves to process bad news or loss. We may need to pencil in some extra time to just be with the intensity.
If you are grieving as a highly sensitive person:
Be gentle and kind with yourself –
Grief is hard! It is not something to be brushed aside or taken lightly. Because people with high sensitivity feel things more deeply, and need to process experiences more fully, you might need to work even harder than the non-sensitive to show yourself patience, kindness, and compassion. If you are already doing something nice for yourself, schedule even more self-care time and activities during this difficult time. Put some extra energy into making sure your physical needs are met, and make sure you are engaging in plenty of healthy activities that have proven soothing or comforting to you.
Create a collage, sketch, painting, or some other representation that is meaningful to you –
As you take the time to delve into your creative side, you can use the time and activity to fully engage yourself in processing your grief or loss. Your creation doesn’t have to be perfect, and no one else has to see it – this is for you! Creativity invites your right-brain to participate in your grieving process, while at the same time allowing you to create something special for yourself and who or what you have lost.
Schedule time daily to allow yourself to fully feel your feelings –
So much of our time today is wrapped up in responsibilities that encourage or require us to pack away our emotions. I use the pressure-cooker metaphor frequently. If you never allow any pressure to escape, your risk injury from an explosion. I view emotions in the same way. If you never allow yourself to feel your feelings, you risk psychic injury (to yourself and others) from the eventual and inevitable explosion. Like a pressure cooker, it is healthiest to allow the release of your feelings to prevent an emotional explosion.
Do not judge your own experience –
Tears aren’t always comfortable, and many highly sensitive individuals tend to become annoyed or even angry about their frequent tearfulness – but tears are cleansing, healing, and help us move through the grieving process. If it feels like you are taking too long to grieve, I assure you there is no such thing as far as I’m concerned. You are a unique and amazing individual – don’t allow another’s sense of timing to persuade you that you are taking too long, or grieving in the wrong way. You are grieving in YOUR way, and that is all that matters.
And, as always, reach out for support –
Do not feel like you have to carry the weight of grief alone. Seek comfort from a trusted friend or family member, or seek counseling to help you through this difficult time.
Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor Intern at Counseling South Austin under the supervision of Ann Stoneson, LPC-S, specializes in supporting the highly sensitive person, and highly intuitive people navigate through their unique challenges. Her additional experience and areas of focus include trauma recovery, midlife transitions, and caregivers' issues. She offers an affirming environment for members of the LGBTQ+ communities. Contact her for your free thirty-minute consultation.