Hypersensitivity?
All my life people have told me that I’m too sensitive, too emotional, and that I take things too personally. I have always been deeply moved by art, music, literature - and ASPCA commercials bring me to tears. When I’m having a "hypersensitivity" moment, I often get that look from people who know me (and those who don’t) that says, “You’re odd,” “you’re broken,” or, “what’s WRONG with you?” For a long time, I thought there WAS something wrong with me. I felt embarrassed and ashamed of how I was – of WHO I was. I felt weak, broken, and different. Most of all, I felt misunderstood, hopeless, and alone.
I spent years trying to change myself – to make myself more normal, adequate, and strong. I attempted to turn what some called my “overly emotional” tendencies into something more socially acceptable. I tried to “pull myself up by my bootstraps,” grow thicker skin, and project stoicism. And it seemed to work for a little while.
But something was off. I wasn’t any happier. My relationships weren’t more meaningful. I didn’t feel any less alone. I felt like I was in disguise, incognito, and more isolated than ever. Now, not only did others misunderstand me, but eventually I didn’t ever recognize myself. I had bought into the comments, the looks, and the judgments – and I had run out of ideas on how to conform and fix my broken self.
Hope for the HSP
Finally, while researching internet wisdom, I stumbled upon the work of Dr. Elaine Aron. Her research found that high sensitivity, or Sensory Processing Sensitivity, is an innate and normal trait found in as much as 20% of the population. This meant that, while I wasn’t in the majority, there was nothing wrong with me! My high sensitivity was just part of my neural design. It was no different than having any other genetic trait like blond hair or hazel eyes. I was relieved! It didn’t fix all of my unique challenges, but I wasn’t broken.
Transitioning from Coping to Thriving
An important part of my journey toward thriving as a highly sensitive person involved accepting my innate sensitivity, learning more about myself and my needs, and tending to those needs. The following is a list of tips to help you get started on thriving as an HSP:
1. Surround yourself with positivity.
The highly sensitive person is much more in tune with the world around them. We soak up everything, process it more deeply, and feel it more profoundly. So if you are finding yourself in toxic situations, or surrounded by pessimistic people, you are going to be internalizing much more negativity than the average person. It is important to find people and environments which exude positive, accepting energy so that what you are absorbing is hopeful and enriching.
2. Develop a calming and quiet space to decompress.
The world is bustling, hectic, chaotic, and loud. The highly sensitive person is much more likely to become overwhelmed by all the commotion. It is important for us to create a space that minimizes bright light, noise, and other sensory stimulation so that we can re-center ourselves and give our nerves a break.
3. Pay attention to yourself.
Most of us have been led to believe that there is something inherently wrong with us. But we think and feel more deeply than most, and when we’ve spent so much time trying to change that about ourselves, we learn to ignore what our thoughts, emotions, and bodies are trying to tell us. If we can tune into ourselves, we can learn to read what our bodies are trying to say. This will help us do something about it before we become overwhelmed.
4. Set and maintain personal boundaries.
Highly sensitive people are much more in tune with others. For that reason, it is easy for the HSP to empathize. It is usually easy for us to fall into the habit of putting others before ourselves. This can drain our energy ever faster than usual. Take time to stop and think about what is best for you, and practice and get comfortable saying, “No.”
5. Practice self-compassion.
We naturally tune in to, and tend to the needs of others. As we learn to accept our high levels of sensitivity and tend to our own needs, it might help to remember the upsides to being a highly sensitive person. We are passionate, intuitive, creative, perceptive, and able to connect more deeply with others. At times, our hypersensitivity isn’t comfortable, but we can find ways to use it to our advantage.
Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor Intern at Counseling South Austin under the supervision of Ann Stoneson, LPC-S, specializes in working with highly sensitive people on a variety of issues including self-esteem, coping with environmental sensitivities, childhood trauma/abuse/neglect recovery, dissociation (including DID-Dissociative Identity Disorder), managing anxiety, and caregiver stress. She practices holistic and affirming counseling and welcomes diversity. Contact her for a free thirty-minute consultation.