7 Common New Year’s Resolutions with Tips for Success

Well, things are wrapping up for 2016! If you are like many people, the New Year brings new hopes, plans, and expectations.  People have been making New Year’s resolutions for about 4,000 years!  So what is on your goal sheet for 2017?

Here are some of the more common New Year’s resolutions, and a few tips for success:

1.       Lose weight / exercise / eat well

Life can get busy, and things like healthy eating and exercise can get pushed to the back burner.   If you’re committed to a healthier lifestyle in 2017, the first step is to get a clear picture in your mind of what your healthy looks like.  Does it include cutting out carbs, adding more fresh vegetables, or hitting the gym several times per week? 

Try to start small, and build toward your goals.  Some people can successfully navigate drastic changes in routine, but most people struggle with immediate huge adjustments.  If past years have proven that radical changes overwhelm you, then try to just change one thing at a time.  Ramping up to your ultimate goal instead of setting unrealistic, immediate expectations can make the difference in sticking to your plan for the year versus a couple of weeks. 

Finally, remember that huge changes can lead to frustration and giving up, while small successes can improve the way you feel just enough to motivate you for more!

2.       Stop smoking / drinking / or other habits

There are several ways to approach quitting, and chances are this isn’t your first time to consider giving up a habit.  It is important to consider your options, as well as the reasons you’d like to stop.  Sometimes listing the reasons, and reminding yourself why you are wanting to quit, can help you to stay motivated.  It can also help to have a support system of people to hold yourself accountable.  This can include friends or family who can be there to support you when you are struggling.  You might consider joining a support group in the area, as well.  Having other people around you with the same goals and challenges can really boost your motivation and moral!

Some resources for smoking cessation can be found at http://www.livetobaccofreeaustin.org/quit.php, or http://www.soberaustin.com/recovery_smoking_cessation.htm.

For help with quitting alcohol, you can visit http://austinaa.org/, or http://www.soberaustin.com/12stepalternatives.htm.

Of course, individual counseling can also help you along your journey of breaking a habit.

3.       Spend more time with friends and/or family

Relationships are so important because we are social creatures.  (Yes, even highly sensitive introverts need some time with others).  So if your goals for 2017 include spending more time with friends or family, it can help to look back and determine what stopped you before.  Was it a lack of free time, too much distance, or too many other responsibilities?  If you can figure out what roadblocks have prevented family and friend time in the past, then you are better equipped to find solutions that are specific to your situation. 

One way to spend more time with loved ones is to do things together that you have to do already.  Plan to have meals together, or invite them to go to the gym with you.  Maybe you can plan to grocery shopping together, or coordinate your evening walks.  If you are far away, technology can be a tremendous resource.  Schedule times to video chat, or talk on the phone.  Create the space for your friends and family in whatever fun ways you can imagine, and make them a part of your leisure/self-care/down time. 

4.       Improve your relationships

Much like finding time to spend with family and friends, it is also to find time to nurture your relationships.  Many of the same tips for spending more time with family and friends can also apply to improving your romantic relationships.  Try to schedule meals together, or trips to the gym.  Make a game out of cleaning house together, or going to the grocery store.  In addition, try to schedule time dedicated to your partner. 

Sometimes the smallest things can make the largest impacts.  Surprise your partner with a card, a small gift, or a back rub.  Spend time cultivating intimacy, and get creative to keep things fresh.  Work on developing a habit of communicating with one another, as well.  Open communication, an open mind, and a willingness to work together can go a long way in strengthening and building a solid, and rewarding relationship.

5.       Reduce your computer / TV time

Thus far, many of the aforementioned resolutions get pushed to the back burner for lack of time.  If you are wanting to devote more time to physical, spiritual, or emotional health – or strengthen existing relationships with partners, family, or friends – one way to find a few extra hours per week can come from spending less time with your electronic devices! 

I know many people have gotten in the habit of flipping the TV on when they get home from work or school, or checking Facebook or email accounts first thing in the morning.  One thing that might help is to put off electronics until you’ve accomplished something that you might otherwise put off.  Maybe you can call family or friends, prepare that healthy meal, or take a brisk walk.  Then you can let TV or the internet be a reward for your accomplishment, and reduce the amount of time you spend in the digital world at the same time. 

6.       Manage stress

Modern conveniences are great, and productivity is on the rise, but these things are doing little for the reduction of stress.  It seems like the more automated our lives become, the more we are expected to accomplish in a day.  Balancing life between work, home, health, friends, family, and fun can be a struggle – and though all those areas of our lives are important, it can feel overwhelming to give adequate attention and time to each of our responsibilities. 

7.       Stop procrastinating

Our busy lives sometimes cause us to put off today what we can do tomorrow, but procrastinating is another habit that can lead to increased feelings of stress and anxiety.  Try reminding yourself that to go ahead and get something done today means that you no longer have to worry about it.  This frees you up for experiencing more relaxing and fun things, without that nagging thought in the back of your mind that will remind you repeatedly that you have things to do.  Once you’ve practiced doing things now versus later, it becomes a self-propelling force, and eventually you’ll want to go ahead and get things done knowing that the payoff later is well worth the effort now. 

Best wishes for a safe and Happy New Year!  Hope to see you around in 2017!

Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), specializes in working with highly sensitive people, trauma, and dissociation. She welcomes diversity, and practices holistic and affirming counseling for members of the LGBTQ community. Contact her for a free 30-minute consultation to learn more.

Happy Independence Day: Celebrating Freedom

I always feel excited and thankful when this time of year rolls around.  I feel so privileged to celebrate freedoms that many folks around the globe do not have the same fortune to enjoy.  I am thankful for opportunities, choices, and all the things that many of us take for granted living in this country.

Barriers to Freedom

At the same time, I understand that there are many people here in America struggling to celebrate this holiday.  Many folks feel trapped in their current circumstances or by their past experiences.  Feeling trapped certainly makes it difficult to celebrate a holiday focused on independence and freedom.

Many experiences can leave us feeling captive and confined.  Maybe you grew up in an environment in which exerting your freedom resulted in unpleasant consequences.  You might have learned early on that making your own decisions was unacceptable and punished in one way or another.  You may still be living in fear of choosing your own direction.  You might have even carried similar relationship expectations into adulthood, finding comparable consequences still result when you try to exercise your freedom to choose what you feel is best for you.

Maybe you realize that all of the hopes and dreams you had as a child or adolescent now seem like a distant and foggy memory.  Life hasn’t turned out the way you expected and you feel stuck and restricted, unable to find joy and fulfillment.  You might have given up on the notion that things can be different, and more in line with what you wanted your life to look like. 

There are so many situations and scenarios that can leave us feeling trapped instead of free. 

Do You Feel Free?

What about you?  How are you feeling this 4th of July weekend? 

-          Are you living the life you always wanted for yourself?

-          Are you enjoying autonomy and the feeling of freedom to be your authentic self?

-          Do you feel trapped by insecurity, stress, worry, or circumstance?

-          Do you feel controlled by others and unable to find your own personal freedom?

Hope

Don’t give up!  If you’re feeling trapped, stuck, or anything but free – know that there is hope for something different.  You do not have to stay imprisoned by your past or present circumstances.  Things can be different!  It might not be easy - but if you’re willing to hope and willing to work toward your own personal freedom, you can find it.

Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), specializes in trauma recovery, dissociation, and working with highly sensitive people. Contact her for a free 30-minute consultation.

This Isn’t What I Signed Up For! Career Dissatisfaction in Midlife

Are you feeling stuck in midlife? 

Does your job or career that you were once so excited and hopeful about, now seem to drain your energy, wear you down, and leave you feeling resentful?  Is it difficult to motivate yourself to get out of bed in the morning to return to another day of misery?  Take heart in knowing that you are not alone!  There is a reason that “midlife crisis” gets so much attention.

Youth offers us undeniable optimism.  The future is bright and we have our whole lives ahead of us.  We dream of what our lives are going to look like in 10 years and beyond.  When people asked us what our plans for the future were, or what we wanted to be when we grew up, we had solid answers that we communicated with passion and excitement. 

Then we hit that 10 year, 20 year, or 30 year mark.  The images of how we envisioned our lives don’t match our current situations.  Maybe we haven’t climbed as far up the corporate ladder as we imagined.  Maybe we aren’t making the money we hoped.  Maybe we find that job satisfaction just isn’t what we expected. 

Or maybe things look exactly like what we thought they would, but we still feel unhappy, unsatisfied, and stuck.  You ask yourself, “If this is what I wanted and what I planned for, then why am I so miserable?”  The answers are as unique and varied as we are as individuals.

 

So what can we do with this midlife job misery?

 

Know that You Are Not Alone –

About half of people in their 30’s and 40’s feel unmotivated, unfulfilled, and undervalued at work.  Many people in midlife find themselves questioning whether or not they can continue on the same path for the next 20-30 years. 

 

 

Take stock –

Ask yourself what it is specifically that leaves you feeling so unfulfilled.  Is it the hours, the pay, the people, or the demands?  Is it the career or job itself?  Is it that your wants or needs have changed since you first chose to do what you do (or your job/career chose you)?

 

It’s Never Too Late –

You have spent years of time and energy working toward where you are right now.  It can seem frightening, or impossible to switch gears or make a change.  If you are feeling stuck or miserable, though, it might help to talk with someone about where you are, where you’re going, and if those things match what you truly want for yourself. 

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.”– Steve Maraboli

 

Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in south Austin, specializes in midlife concerns, trauma recovery, and dissociation. Contact her for a free 30-minute consultation here.