I stood at the kitchen counter brewing my second pot of coffee. It was late, and though I had been running non-stop for the past 15 hours, I didn’t feel like I had accomplished anything. I had a load of clothes to wash, a report to finish for work, a research paper to complete for school, bills I needed to pay, dishes to wash, and medications I needed to prepare. There was something else, too – something important! What was it? I could hear my grandma snoring in the next room. Suddenly a mix of anger, jealousy, and resentment flooded me. Shame and guilt quickly followed. I loved my grandma. I would do anything for her. I was doing anything for her.
I fixed my cup of coffee, having lost count of how many cups I’d already had that day. I desperately needed a shower, some real food, and some sleep - but who had time for that? It was midnight. I had to get up for school by 6:00 AM. It was going to be another long night, followed by another long day.
Caring for another person can feel lonely, exhausting, and overwhelming. It can have a negative impact on your physical and emotional health. As caregivers, we focus our attention on the person we are caring for, and often neglect to consider our own wants and needs. The longer we neglect ourselves, the closer to caregiver burnout we get.
Through my own experiences, research, and tips from others, I compiled the following list of ways to avoid caregiver burnout:
1) Create a practical schedule that includes self-care.
There is always an over-abundance of things that need to be done every day. Take five minutes out of every morning to create a manageable schedule. Be sure to include breaks! You need time to step away from your caregiving responsibilities and refuel.
Be sure to pencil in basic self-care. Let’s face it: if we do not care for our own needs, we will become sick ourselves and face burnout more quickly. Basic self-care includes eating well (and no, coffee does not count as a meal), getting adequate rest, exercising, and practicing good daily hygiene.
Include a caregiver to-do list, and prioritize it! Don’t worry if the items further down the list aren’t done.
2) Set realistic expectations.
Everyone around has an opinion about what you should be doing, and how you should be doing it. On top of that, you probably expect more from yourself than anyone else. Go easy on yourself. Let go of the “shoulds.” This is one of the hardest, often thankless jobs out there. Remind yourself often that you are doing what you can to help another person, and that your efforts are valuable! Look over your schedule from tip #1 and be honest with yourself about what you can reasonably expect to get done in a day, while still taking care of yourself.
Learn about your loved one’s illness, too. When you know what to expect, you reduce your amount of stress by feeling more prepared. It will help you to avoid having unrealistic expectations of the person in your care, and lessen potential feelings of irritation and resentment.
3) Reward yourself.
You work hard every day to make sure that another person is cared for. That is admirable, and deserves recognition and reward. Find time each week to do something special for yourself, whether it is seeing a movie you’ve been wanting to see, having dinner out with a friend, taking a long bubble bath, or spending an afternoon relaxing in the park.
4) Set and maintain boundaries.
One of the most difficult things I had to learn to do as a caregiver was to say “no.” Know your limitations, and do not allow anyone to push you past them. If the person in your care is capable of doing something for themselves, let them! This will foster their own independence, empower them, and maybe lessen your load a bit.
5) Get help.
We often find ourselves caring for others in isolation. If you find that you have no assistance, no one to talk to, or you feel overwhelmed by all of your responsibilities, do not be afraid to ask for help! Research available resources in your area, join a support group, or seek counseling.
Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), specializes in caregivers' issues, trauma recovery, and dissociation. Contact her for a free thirty-minute consultation here.