During part of my counseling internship, I worked for a non-profit organization focused on caring for the needs of adult children with serious and persistent mental illness diagnoses. The organization was founded by concerned parents looking for additional support and resources for their adult child. It grew to offer individual and family therapy, case management, group classes, and social development and support. It is a wonderful organization that improves the quality of life for many adults with mental illnesses, and I thoroughly enjoy working with these adults.
But what about the parents?
Though I loved my work, something seemed to be missing! The adult children were benefiting from psychological, social, and functional assistance, but the parents were often the ones who seemed to lack much needed support. Many times, the parents attended information sessions with their adult child, and appeared more interested in the services than their children. The parents often stated they felt lost, alone, overwhelmed, and exhausted. Most of them were experiencing burn out. For the most part, these parents had been caring for every need of their child on their own – for decades. They loved their children deeply. They had given years of their time, energy, and resources so that their children could live safer, healthier, and happier lives. However, they themselves were running on empty. They would work, and worry about their children while they were away. They would skip out on date nights, social functions, and hobbies in order to provide care for their adult children. Sometimes, two parents would disagree about the ways in which to best serve their children, creating strain within relationships.
I was never a caregiver of an adult child with mental illness. Instead, I was the caregiver of a grandparent with mental illness. Throughout my internship experience, my passion for working with caregivers continued to grow. Caregivers go above and beyond. They attempt to balance the demands of work, a social life, relationships, hobbies, and self-care with providing for the needs of their loved ones. They research the illnesses of their loved one, devote themselves to their care, and sometimes find they have nothing left for themselves.
Does this sound like someone you know?
You may find that these feelings sound familiar. You might long to have a day off, but feel guilty for even wishing for time to yourself. You might feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities. You might feel lost and alone, as though no one understands what you are going through. As a caregiver, I felt many of these things and more. At the same time, I know that balance is possible. I hope this and future blog posts will help you to feel less alone. I hope that you can find some comfort in knowing that there are folks out there who realize how much you sacrifice for others, and want to help. I am happy that you made time to care for yourself today by reading here, and hope you will return. You deserve to care for yourself, too!
What else can you do?
Caregivers often find themselves focused so much on the care of others that they neglect their own needs. Neglecting yourself can cause stress, depression, and physical illness. Follows are a few quick questions you can ask yourself to help you determine if you are taking steps toward caring for your own needs:
- Are you getting enough sleep?
- Are you eating well?
- Are you getting any exercise?
- Are you able to care for yourself when you don’t feel well?
- Do you have a support system in place? Someone to take over for a few hours? Someone to talk to?
- Are you comfortable asking for and accepting help?
Early in my caregiving days, I answered “no” to all of these questions. I was struggling with caregiver fatigue. Eventually, I had to find ways to care for myself so that I could be in top condition to continue caring for my grandmother. How about you? What sorts of things are you doing to take care of you?
Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), specializes in caregiver's issues, trauma recovery, and dissociation. Contact her for a free thirty-minute consultation here.