Being a mom is hard work! Being a mom when you also care for an aging parent is even harder. You balance parenting, partnering, work, and caregiving – and many times it seems like there aren’t enough hours in the day. As a sandwich generation mom and caregiver, you face unique challenges and circumstances, some of which include:
Location, location, location –
Overcoming the challenges of physical distance can be tricky! If you are trying to care for a parent or family member who does not live close-by, the stress of knowing how to be there for them can add to an already highly challenging situation. Traveling to help care for an aging or ailing parent can take away from your time, cut into your finances, and sometimes can create conflicts at home.
Constantly changing roles –
As the needs of a parent or family member change, so do the dynamics of family systems. Your parents spent years caring for you. They once did all the things that you now do for your own children. It can be a difficult adjustment when they grow to depend on you for things they used to be able to do for themselves. You want to do all you can to help out, but parents often have their own ideas about how that should happen. You might find your roles changing at home, too. Things you might have taken care of before you started caring for your parent, now must fall to your spouse or other family members.
Challenging expectations –
Often, an aging parent just doesn’t seem to understand that you are also a mom, an employee, or a spouse with your own bills to pay and home to run. It can be difficult to manage your parent’s sometimes unrealistic expectation of what you can and cannot do for them. Setting boundaries can be challenging in and of itself. You might find yourself feeling guilty, or even resentful.
Lack of control –
As parents, you generally have some say in your child’s schedule, and some control over their activities. With a spouse, negotiation likely comes into play. As a parental caregiver, though, it is usually more difficult to manage things for your parents. You might not have as much control over their diet, finances, medication compliance, or medical care. You probably have a pretty good idea about what sorts of things your parent should be doing to manage or improve their situation, but getting them to listen can sometimes be an uphill battle.
Helping to care for a parent can be an incredibly rewarding endeavor. It can also be frustrating, stressful, and exhausting. I know you feel pulled in a million different directions. I know you work hard to juggle, balance, and manage many responsibilities. I know there are days that feel like relief is never going to come. I hope you can find a quiet moment today to celebrate and appreciate yourself for all you do.
Kristen Henshaw, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), specializes in caregivers' issues, trauma recovery, and dissociation. Contact her for a free thirty-minute consultation here.